Emotional intelligence shapes the way we communicate and connect with others. The words we choose can either build bridges or create barriers in our relationships. While education and financial stability might define the middle class, it’s emotional intelligence that determines the quality of their interactions and relationships.
People with high emotional intelligence understand that specific phrases can damage trust, shut down meaningful dialogue, and reveal a lack of self-awareness. Here are ten things emotionally intelligent people consciously avoid saying.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
When someone shares their feelings or expresses hurt, telling them they’re too sensitive is one of the most damaging responses one can make. This phrase dismisses another person’s emotional experience, suggesting that their feelings are invalid or excessive.
Emotionally intelligent people understand that sensitivity isn’t a flaw but rather a variation in how people process emotions. Instead of invalidating feelings, they acknowledge them even when they don’t fully understand the reaction. They might say something like, “I can see this really affected you,” or “Help me understand why this matters to you.” This approach opens dialogue rather than shutting it down.
2. “That’s just the way I am.”
This phrase signals an unwillingness to grow, adapt, or take responsibility for problematic behavior. It’s essentially saying, “I’m not going to change, so deal with it.” Emotionally intelligent people recognize that personal growth is a lifelong journey.
They understand their personality traits and tendencies, but don’t use them as excuses for behavior that hurts others. When confronted about something they’ve done, they’re willing to reflect and consider different perspectives rather than hiding behind this convenient shield of unchangeability.
3. “You always…” or “You never…”
Absolute statements rarely reflect reality and immediately put people on the defensive. When someone hears “you always” or “you never,” their brain starts searching for exceptions rather than listening to the underlying concern.
These sweeping generalizations make productive conversation nearly impossible. Emotionally intelligent people use specific examples instead of absolutist language. They might say, “I’ve noticed that when we discuss finances, you tend to change the subject” rather than “You never want to talk about money.” This specificity makes it easier for the other person to hear and respond constructively.
4. “I’m just being honest.”
This phrase has become a popular justification for unkind or tactless comments. While honesty is valuable, emotional intelligence requires striking a balance between truth and kindness, as well as considering the timing and delivery.
The phrase “I’m just being honest” often precedes or follows something hurtful, as if brutal honesty somehow excuses the lack of compassion. Emotionally intelligent people understand that honesty without empathy can be cruel. They can share brutal truths in ways that show respect for the other person’s feelings and dignity.
5. “Calm down.”
Few phrases escalate a tense situation faster than telling someone to calm down. This command invalidates the person’s emotional state and often comes across as condescending. When someone is upset, they’re already aware they’re emotional, and being told to calm down suggests their feelings are inappropriate or excessive.
Emotionally intelligent people respond to heightened emotions with empathy and patience. They might acknowledge the emotion first by saying, “I can see you’re really frustrated,” and then work toward a resolution once the person feels heard.
6. “It’s not a big deal.”
What seems insignificant to one person might be deeply meaningful to another. Our experiences, values, and sensitivities differ, and minimizing someone’s concerns damages trust and communication.
When we tell someone their worry or hurt isn’t a big deal, we’re essentially saying their perspective doesn’t matter. Emotionally intelligent people recognize that if something is important to someone they care about, it deserves attention regardless of whether they personally view it as significant. They validate the other person’s experience before offering perspective or solutions.
7. “I don’t care what people think.”
While independence and self-confidence are admirable traits, completely disregarding others’ perspectives suggests a lack of empathy and poor social awareness. We’re social creatures, and healthy relationships require some consideration of how our actions affect others.
Emotionally intelligent people strike a balance between staying true to themselves and being mindful of their impact on others. They don’t let others’ opinions control them, but they also don’t dismiss feedback entirely. They’re able to filter which perspectives matter while remaining open to growth.
8. “That’s not my problem.”
Even when something technically isn’t your responsibility, this phrase can damage relationships and reveal a lack of empathy. Emotionally intelligent people understand that relationships involve mutual support, not just transactional exchanges.
While they maintain healthy boundaries, they also show willingness to help when they can. They might say, “I can’t take this on right now, but let’s figure out how to address it” rather than washing their hands of any involvement. This approach maintains the relationship while still being honest about limitations.
9. “I told you so”
This phrase serves no purpose except to assert superiority and make someone feel worse about a mistake they’ve already made. When someone is dealing with the consequences of a poor decision, they don’t need to be reminded that you predicted it would happen.
Emotionally intelligent people prioritize the relationship over being right. When someone makes a mistake, they offer support and help problem-solve rather than gloating. They understand that everyone makes poor choices sometimes, and what matters is how we move forward from them.
10. “Whatever”
This dismissive word signals complete disengagement and disrespect. It tells the other person that you don’t value what they’re saying and you’re done with the conversation, even if essential issues remain unresolved.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t check out of difficult conversations. If they need a break from a heated discussion, they communicate that clearly and respectfully, perhaps suggesting a specific time to revisit the conversation. They understand that “whatever” leaves problems festering and relationships damaged.
Conclusion
The language we use reflects our level of emotional intelligence and shapes the quality of our relationships. These ten phrases represent shortcuts that emotionally intelligent people avoid because they understand the long-term damage such words can cause.
Instead, they choose language that promotes understanding, demonstrates accountability, and maintains respect even during difficult conversations. Developing emotional intelligence isn’t about being perfect with our words, but rather about being mindful of our impact and willing to adjust our communication to build stronger, healthier connections with others.