Why Are You Making Life Hard?

Why Are You Making Life Hard?

Life inevitably brings challenges and difficulties for us all. When tough times hit, it’s incredibly tempting to fall into playing the victim – blaming other people or external circumstances for our problems and acting powerless in the face of adversity. We’ve all been there before. But what if I told you that this perspective only complicates life? The truth is, while we cannot control everything that happens to us, we have far more power over our experiences than we realize. Our mindset, attitude, and how we interpret events play a huge role in how “hard” life feels.

This article will dive into how we often sabotage ourselves mentally and make life much more complicated than it needs to be. With introspection and commitment to change, you can regain your power and stop making life so hard on yourself. The key is to take responsibility for your reactions, switch from complaint to solution mode, reframe challenges as opportunities, let go of what you can’t control, and talk to yourself with encouragement instead of criticism. With these strategies, you can navigate life’s obstacles, feeling empowered instead of victimized. Read on to start reclaiming your mental power and creating a smoother journey.

Stop Playing the Victim

When something terrible happens, it’s tempting to immediately fall into victim mode – placing all blame on external factors like other people or circumstances out of your control. You tell yourself a story about how life is out to get you, and there was nothing you could do. But this perspective only makes you feel powerless and stuck. While situations may not be your fault, you can choose how you respond and what narrative you create.

Instead of playing the victim, take responsibility for your reactions and your role in the situation. Own the parts you played while also forgiving yourself. You can’t control others, but you can control yourself. This gives you the power to make changes, learn, and grow. Accept the parts of life you can’t change while focusing on what you can do differently. This attitude of empowerment will serve you much better than victimhood.

Stop the Negative Self-Talk

Many of us are incredibly self-critical, constantly beating ourselves up with negative self-talk. We tell ourselves harsh things we never say to friends or loved ones. This stream of criticism only brings our confidence and empowerment down.

Make a habit of noticing when that mean inner voice pipes up. Pay attention to those automatic negative thoughts. Then, consciously reframe them into kinder, more supportive words you would tell a good friend. Encourage yourself, not criticism.

For example, if you make a mistake and your inner voice says, “You’re so stupid, you can’t do anything right!” – stop yourself. Reframe that to “It’s ok, mistakes help me learn. I’m getting better every day.” Uplift yourself with compassion instead of tearing yourself down. This habit changes everything.

Reframe Challenges as Opportunities

When faced with an obstacle, difficulty, or challenge, it’s easy to get lost in frustration and complaints. But every difficult situation provides opportunities to learn, strengthen, and expand our skills if we shift our mindset.

Instead of labeling an experience as “bad” or “unfair,” ask yourself questions like:

  • What can I learn from this?
  • How can I grow and improve?
  • What mental muscles can I build?
  • What hidden gifts or blessings might this bring further down the line?

This reframing transforms a difficulty from a source of victimhood into a source of growth. By choosing to mine each challenge for opportunities instead of just venting, you claim your power. Write down the lessons, skills, and strengths you’re gaining. See the silver linings. Your empowering interpretations will shape your experience.

Let Go Of What You Can’t Control

A significant source of life’s hardness is trying to control or change unchangeable things. We waste mental energy battling with parts of life that don’t bend to our will – be it other people’s behavior, situations we can’t influence, or the inevitability of change.

The key is to discern what you cannot control and practice acceptance. Release the need to change these externals and turn your focus to what you can control – your response. This act of letting go immediately reduces feelings of frustration and anxiety. Serenity comes when we stop trying to force square pegs into round holes and instead flow with reality.

Make a list of some things that are outside your control that you’ve been struggling with. How can you accept, surrender, and release the parts you can’t dictate? Then, redirect your energy to what you can control – your actions, thoughts, choices, and priorities. Let go of the rest. You’ll feel lighter right away.

Commit to Solutions, Not Complaints

When challenging situations arise, our default reaction is often to complain – venting our frustrations and disappointment without taking constructive action. While complaining may offer short-term emotional release, it keeps us trapped in victim mode instead of empowered.

Here’s a better way: Commit to solution-oriented thinking. If you catch yourself starting to complain or play, “Ain’t it awful,” ask yourself, “How can I solve or improve this?” Then, redirect your mental focus toward solutions.

Brainstorm actions or changes you could make to create a shift, even small steps forward. This immediately activates your problem-solving resources instead of keeping you mired in the problem. Write down ideas and pick one thing you can do. Taking constructive action, however small, is incredibly empowering.

Complaining exaggerates the negative while solution-thinking puts the focus on progress and hope. You have a choice where to put your mental energy. Dedicate yourself to moving forward with optimism and empowerment.


With introspection and commitment to change, you can stop making life harder through your mental patterns. The key is taking responsibility for your reactions instead of playing the victim, switching from damaging to positive self-talk, reframing difficulties as opportunities to grow, letting go of what you can’t control, and moving from complaints to solutions.

Imagine how different you will feel facing life’s obstacles if you consistently apply these strategies. Instead of being weighed down by victim stories, you encourage yourself. Rather than lamenting the parts you can’t change, you focus on constructive actions within your power. Your challenges become chances to get stronger.

To create this shift, be vigilant about noticing when you lapse into victim mode or self-criticism. Catch yourself, and turn it around. Don’t just accept the automatic stories your mind provides – consciously choose empowering interpretations and narratives instead. This builds your mental muscle memory until it becomes natural.