Self-esteem is how we value and perceive ourselves. It’s our opinion about our abilities, appearance, and worth. People with healthy self-esteem generally feel positive about themselves and their lives. They can handle life’s challenges and feel deserving of happiness.
Low self-esteem, on the other hand, can impact nearly every aspect of life. It affects how we think, behave, and relate to others. Recognizing the signs of low self-esteem is the first step toward improvement. Psychology research has identified eight common behaviors that people with self-esteem issues typically exhibit.
1. Excessive Self-Criticism and Negative Self-Talk
People with low self-esteem often have an inner critic that won’t quit. They constantly put themselves down, focus on their flaws, and dismiss their positive qualities. This negative self-talk includes phrases like “I’m not good enough,” “I always mess things up,” or “Why am I so stupid?” These thoughts become so automatic that they may not even notice them anymore.
This harsh inner dialogue makes it difficult to accept compliments or recognize achievements. When someone praises them, they might deflect the compliment or believe the person is just being friendly. Over time, this constant criticism wears down mental health and reinforces feelings of worthlessness, creating a vicious cycle that’s hard to break.
2. People-Pleasing and Difficulty Setting Boundaries
Those struggling with self-esteem issues often go out of their way to make others happy, even at their own expense. They fear rejection and disapproval so much that saying “no” feels impossible. This leads to taking on too many responsibilities and rarely expressing their true feelings or needs.
This people-pleasing behavior also makes it difficult to set healthy boundaries. When people value themselves less than others, they allow people to disrespect or mistreat them to avoid conflict. They might tolerate inappropriate behavior, agree to unreasonable requests, or let others dictate their actions. These patterns damage relationships and reinforce the belief that their needs don’t matter.
3. Social Withdrawal and Isolation
Low self-esteem often leads to avoiding social situations. People might turn down invitations, cancel plans at the last minute, or make excuses to avoid being around others. They withdraw because they fear judgment or rejection from others, believing they have nothing valuable to contribute.
This isolation creates another harmful cycle. The more someone withdraws, the fewer positive social interactions they experience, reinforcing negative beliefs about themselves. Without the support and perspective of others, their inner critic’s voice grows louder and more convincing, deepening their self-esteem issues.
4. Difficulty Making Decisions and Second-Guessing
Making decisions becomes an overwhelming task for someone with low self-esteem. They constantly doubt their judgment and ability to make good choices. Even small decisions like what to wear or where to eat can cause significant anxiety, while bigger life choices might feel paralyzing.
After making a decision, they often second-guess themselves, wondering if they made the wrong choice. They may repeatedly seek reassurance from others or defer to other people’s opinions rather than trusting their own. This uncertainty extends to their goals and abilities, making them hesitant to try new things because they don’t believe they can succeed.
5. Hypersensitivity to Criticism
While nobody loves criticism, people with low self-esteem take it especially hard. They interpret feedback, even when constructive, as confirmation of their inadequacy. A simple suggestion might feel like a personal attack that reinforces their deepest fears about themselves.
This sensitivity makes growth difficult because they can’t separate their identity from the critiqued behavior. Instead of seeing criticism as helpful information for improvement, they see it as evidence of their fundamental flaws. This reaction can damage professional development and personal relationships, as they might avoid situations where feedback is likely or respond defensively when given.
6. Defensive or Aggressive Reactions
People with low self-esteem might lash out defensively when feeling vulnerable or criticized. This behavior is a protection mechanism when they feel their fragile self-image is threatened. Rather than considering feedback, they might attack the person offering it or become angry and aggressive.
These defensive reactions push others away and prevent meaningful communication. Family members, friends, and colleagues learn to walk on eggshells to avoid triggering these responses. Unfortunately, this defensive behavior also blocks opportunities for connection and personal growth, further isolating the person and reinforcing negative self-perceptions.
7. Focus on Failures While Dismissing Successes
People with low self-esteem view life through a heavily negative lens. They quickly notice and dwell on their mistakes while minimizing or dismissing their accomplishments. A day with ninety-nine successes and one failure becomes, in their mind, a complete disaster.
This negative filter creates a distorted reality where evidence of their worth and capability goes unnoticed. They might attribute successes to luck or outside factors while taking full responsibility for failures. This imbalanced perspective maintains their negative self-image despite evidence to the contrary, making it difficult to build confidence through achievements.
8. Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Perhaps most puzzling to observers, people with low self-esteem often engage in behaviors that undermine their goals and reinforce negative beliefs. They might procrastinate on essential tasks, abuse substances to cope with complicated feelings, or repeatedly choose partners who treat them poorly.
These self-sabotaging behaviors serve an unconscious purpose: they confirm the person’s negative expectations. If you don’t believe you deserve success or happiness, proving yourself right can feel safer than challenging those beliefs. Breaking this pattern requires recognizing these behaviors and understanding that they stem from low self-worth rather than personal failings.
Case Study: Pamela’s Journey with Self-Esteem
Pamela had always been the person everyone counted on. At work, she took on extra projects without complaint. With friends, she was the perpetual listener and advice-giver. At home, she put everyone’s needs before her own. On the surface, she appeared kind and helpful, but inside, she was exhausted and resentful.
When her therapist suggested she might have self-esteem issues, Pamela was surprised. She didn’t hate herself—or at least, she didn’t think she did. But as they explored further, patterns emerged. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d decided without asking someone else’s opinion. She apologized constantly, even for things that weren’t her fault. And despite her hard work, she never felt good enough.
With time and practice, Pamela began recognizing these behaviors as symptoms of low self-worth rather than personality traits. She started small, setting boundaries at work and expressing her preferences with friends. Some days were more challenging than others, but gradually, she began to value her own needs. Her relationships improved as they became more balanced, and to her surprise, people respected her more when she respected herself.
Key Takeaways
- Low self-esteem affects how you think about yourself, relate to others, and navigate your daily life.
- Excessive self-criticism creates a harmful internal dialogue that reinforces negative beliefs about yourself.
- People-pleasing behavior stems from fear of rejection, making it difficult to set healthy boundaries.
- Social withdrawal provides temporary relief from judgment but ultimately deepens isolation and negative self-perception.
- Difficulty making decisions and constant second-guessing reflect a fundamental lack of trust in yourself.
- Hypersensitivity to criticism makes it hard to receive feedback that could lead to growth and improvement.
- Defensive reactions protect a fragile self-image but damage relationships and block communication.
- Focusing on failures while dismissing successes creates a distorted, negative view of reality.
- Self-sabotaging behaviors unconsciously confirm negative expectations and reinforce low self-worth.
- Improving self-esteem is possible with awareness, practice, and sometimes professional support.
Conclusion
Low self-esteem is not a personality flaw or character defect—it’s a learned pattern of thinking, usually from childhood, that can be changed with time and effort. The behaviors described in this article often develop as protection mechanisms, ways of coping with feelings of inadequacy or past experiences that damaged self-worth. Recognizing these patterns is not about assigning blame but creating awareness that can lead to positive change.
The journey to healthier self-esteem starts with self-awareness and self-compassion. It involves challenging negative thoughts, practicing new behaviors, and gradually building a more balanced view of yourself. This process isn’t always linear, and setbacks are normal. Professional support through therapy can be incredibly valuable, particularly approaches like cognitive-behavioral therapy that directly address thought patterns. With patience and persistence, it’s possible to develop a healthier relationship with yourself based on acceptance, respect, and the understanding that you are inherently worthy.