Why You Should Stop Being So Nice

Why You Should Stop Being So Nice

Since the dawn of human civilization, niceness, kindness, generosity, and friendship have been valued and promoted. The ability to extend kindness and connect and empathize with others forms the cornerstone of human interaction. It enables us to build strong relationships, forge better societies, and ultimately make the world better.

Like all qualities we humans possess, there’s a spectrum to niceness. At one end, we have those who lack the essential empathetic touch to their interactions, often seen as rude or unkind. Conversely, we have people who are so nice that they often forget to consider their needs and desires, constantly placing others’ welfare before their own. This end of the spectrum, a phenomenon we refer to as ‘excessive niceness,’ can lead to personal harm and dissatisfaction. It’s like an unhealthy diet; just as too much sugar can harm your body, too much niceness can negatively affect your emotional well-being.

In this blog post, we deeply dive into the concept of excessive niceness, analyzing its roots, impacts, and how it manifests in different areas of life. We will present real-life examples and case studies to help you better understand the implications of being overly nice. Finally, we will explore the thin line separating kindness from excessive niceness and provide valuable steps to maintain a healthy balance between being nice to others and caring for oneself. Let’s embark on this journey towards a balanced approach to kindness and niceness, with the understanding that self-care and empathy for others can, and should, coexist harmoniously.

The Hidden Cost of Over Niceness

While being friendly is generally encouraged, being excessively nice can cost considerably. It can strain emotional health, often leading to the suppression of authentic feelings. Consider the case of Jake, a middle-aged man who always put others before himself. He regularly agreed to tasks he didn’t want to do, suppressing his true feelings to keep others happy. This resulted in a mounting sense of resentment and, over time, emotional exhaustion.

In interpersonal relationships, an overly nice attitude can lead to imbalance. Individuals who are too nice may feel exploited, leading to resentment. A classic example is Linda, a woman known for her generosity. Her friends constantly took advantage of her inability to say ‘no,’ leaving her resentful and emotionally drained.

Workplaces aren’t immune to the impact of excessive niceness either. It can obstruct assertiveness, hinder decision-making, and dampen leadership potential. Think of Robert, an employee with exceptional skills and ideas. His inability to assert himself due to his amiable nature led him to be overlooked for promotions. The outcome was unfulfilled potential and chronic stress, which, when unchecked, manifested in harmful physical health outcomes such as high blood pressure and insomnia.

Learning from Real Life

One illustrative example is Amy’s story. A successful banker, Amy found her career growth stunted despite her hard work and dedication. Over time, she realized her excessively agreeable nature was mistaken for lack of ambition. Upon recognizing this, Amy decided to assert herself more, voicing her opinions and contributing her ideas during team discussions. Her newfound assertiveness led to recognition at work and gave her career the much-needed boost.

Kindness vs. Excessive Niceness

It’s crucial to differentiate between kindness and excessive niceness. Kindness and empathy radiate warmth to relationships without requiring self-sacrifice. Consider John, who often lends a sympathetic ear to his friends and offers assistance when needed. He maintains a good balance, helping others without neglecting his needs.

On the other hand, excessive niceness involves frequently conceding to others at the cost of personal well-being. Sarah, who always agrees to help her colleagues even when she’s swamped with work, is a clear example of excessive niceness. The difference lies in assertiveness: setting boundaries doesn’t mean shutting people out.

Finding the Balance

The journey towards balance begins with self-awareness. Recognizing and acknowledging personal needs and desires is paramount. Learning to set clear boundaries is another crucial step. For example, Sophia, who was habitually overcommitting to work, started setting limits by politely declining additional tasks when her plate was full.

Building self-confidence is another significant step. Practice assertive communication. Engage in activities that enhance self-esteem, like pursuing a hobby or learning a new skill. Consider Michael, who started attending public speaking classes to boost his confidence. His newly found self-assuredness helped him voice his opinions more assertively at work. Remember, seeking professional help when necessary is a sign of strength, not weakness.


In essence, while often used interchangeably, niceness and kindness find their balance in a nuanced dance. The harmony lies in being aware of our actions and ensuring they come from a place of genuine kindness, not at self-sacrifice’s cost. It’s not about disregarding our innate desire to help and connect with others, but rather, doing so in a way that doesn’t sideline our own needs, wants, and overall well-being.

The insights shared in this blog post serve as a gentle reminder that it’s possible to extend warmth, understanding, and support to others while prioritizing and valuing ourselves. Kindness becomes more fulfilling and authentic when it stems from a place of self-respect and balanced selflessness rather than a compulsive need to always keep others happy.

Life is a constant journey of learning and unlearning. So, if you are caught in the loop of excessive niceness, remember it’s never too late to make a change. Start small, make conscious decisions to assert yourself, set healthy boundaries, and gradually, you’ll notice the transformation. The journey might seem daunting initially, but every step forward counts.